


face the ghosts (decide if the fire inside still burns)

by potstickermaster



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: 04x02 spoilers, F/F, Identity Reveal, Lena has the Lexosuit, Where Kara guides Lena away from her dark side-ish, pre-04x03 things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 07:02:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16424627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potstickermaster/pseuds/potstickermaster
Summary: “The disperser,” Lena echoes, and a cold chill runs through her body. Mercy. The disperser. L-Corp.... No.“Yes,” Director Danvers says, leading her through the familiar control room of the DEO and past the bustle of the clearly busy area to the medbay. Lena hated it; memories of the days she spent trying to look for the cure for Sam flashed behind her eyes—she remembered Sam’s screams and her tears, and for a moment she falters in her steps until she sees her.Supergirl.





	face the ghosts (decide if the fire inside still burns)

**Author's Note:**

> spoilers for 4x02, happens between that episode and 4x03

Her phone rings in the middle of the night.

Not that Lena minded. She hasn’t gone home after the incident with Mercy—she takes a deep sigh at that thought of the woman—and has instead worked on the Lexosuit. It’s almost finished at this point, just some minor kinks to work on, but after what had happened, after putting _Kara_ in the direct line of danger because of something _she_ herself worked on?

She could never forgive herself. Kara Danvers is one, if not the most, important person in her life, and if anything were to happen to her…

Lena doesn’t dare think of it.

She leaves the arm of the Lexosuit she was working with on the table and runs a few sequences of code before picking up her phone. Her eyebrows furrow at the name that blinks back to her.

_Alex Danvers._

With a sigh and a purse of her lips, Lena answers the call.

“We need you at the DEO,” is what the agent greets her with, and Lena tenses immediately. Agent Danvers sounds panicked, _terrified_ even, and if Lena listens closely she could almost hear the tears the woman is choking back. “It’s Supergirl,” Agent Danvers continues.

Lena makes her way out of her lab before she could even think.

“I’m on my way.”

//

Agent Danvers herself meets her at the lobby, with a man with long shaggy hair who mutters under his breath about statistics. He purses his lips.

“Director Danvers, Supergirl just—”

“I _know_ , Brainy,” the redhead agent says. _Director Danvers,_ Lena distantly thinks, but the agent runs her hand through her hair, clearly torn about the situation at hand. “Lena’s here to help. She knows about the disperser—”

“The disperser,” Lena echoes, and a cold chill runs through her body. Mercy. The disperser. L-Corp.... _No._

“Yes,” Director Danvers says, leading her through the familiar control room of the DEO and past the bustle of the clearly busy area to the medbay. Lena hated it; memories of the days she spent trying to look for the cure for Sam flashed behind her eyes—she remembered Sam’s screams and her tears, and for a moment she falters in her steps until she sees her.

Supergirl.

Or at least, a shell of what Supergirl was. Lena just _knows,_ even before Director Danvers explains that Supergirl had come crashing to the ground due to kryptonite poisoning. Brainy had deduced that it was because of the atmosphere’s sudden spike in kryptonite levels, she said. Lena’s panic escalates as her gaze takes in everything happening in the medbay—the heroine’s vitals, the yellow sun lamps, the tubes and tanks that surround the blonde on the bed. Lena clenches her jaw as she checks on Supergirl—her vitals are dropping, and a mask is on her face but it doesn’t muffle her pained whimpers.

Lena clenches her fists. The disperser had been in DEO’s custody since after the Daxamite attack, and if someone like Mercy Graves herself had her hands on it—

“I know what you’re thinking,” Director Danvers says, and her eyes are red-rimmed now. “And I’ll find out how someone had their hands on the disperser but right now—”

“How soon can you get her to my lab?” Lena asks, mind already racing. She can’t cleanse the atmosphere of kryptonite—not this soon, especially since L-Corp hasn’t even cracked how to scale up the prototype of the lead absorber she had designed—but she can at least offer something close enough to such.

“Excuse me?”

Lena checks Supergirl’s dropping vitals. With the efficiency of how she redesigned the disperser, she knew that the atmosphere had toxic levels of kryptonite that won’t be clearing up any time soon, and time is of the essence. She takes out her phone and remotely accesses her L-Corp lab.

“How soon can you get her to my lab?” Lena repeats. She runs her hands through her hair. She’s trembling as she watches the blonde heroine. She’ll need at least half an hour, maybe even more, but she needed to act fast. The director finally agrees when Lena looks at her with determination and impatience in her eyes, and Alex calls for agents to start moving.

“Just hold on, Supergirl,” Alex whispers. Several DEO agents come in with a gurney, and Lena tries to focus, mentally preparing herself for the tasks she has to carry out. The containment unit needs to be recalibrated, the DEO equipment set up, and Supergirl doesn’t have the luxury of time.

“I need to go ahead,” Lena tells Alex. She gives Supergirl a glance before she’s lifted to the gurney, and it’s fleeting that she almost thinks she imagines it—the blonde whimpers her name, soft and _in pain,_ a voice entirely too familiar that Lena’s heart shatters.

No. No, no, _no._

//

They arrive at the L-Corp labs in record time. Lena was only halfway ready when they arrived, but Director Danvers and Brainy were efficient assistants and before long, Supergirl— _Supergirl,_ Lena mentally screams—was in the containment unit that used to hold Sam— _Reign_ —hostage. Except now, it’s the only kryptonite-free area that could safely house the Girl of Steel.

Director Danvers paces back and forth as Lena works on stabilizing the heroine. Brainy watches, looking impatient, but he offers advice here and there that Lena takes note of. After a few excruciating minutes, Supergirl sinks down on the bed, unmoving now except for her heartbeat that slowly settles into a steady rhythm.

“It purifies the atmosphere,” Lena explains when Director Danvers steps beside her as she gestures to the device sitting on the bedside table inside the containment area. The CEO sighs and looks at the monitors to make sure that Supergirl’s vitals are finally stable. “I’ve been working on it to- to cleanse off the lead during the Daxamite—”

“You don’t have to explain,” Director Danvers says. She has finally calmed down now, too, though worry crinkles her eyebrows as she glances at the containment unit. “I… Thank you,” she whispers, barely meeting Lena’s gaze.

The raven-haired woman purses her lips. “It’s Mercy Graves, isn’t it?” She asks.

Alex nods. “We think it’s an inside job. Our security feeds have been tampered and before we could really investigate, we received reports that Supergirl…” She trails off and shakes her head before glancing at the heroine on the bed.

Lena follows her gaze. The Girl of Steel looks so small like this, surrounded by sun lamps and tubes and tanks. Lena remembers the way she had whimpered her name. She sounded worried then, and Lena could only think of what would have happened had she not been ready for things like this.

Yes, she had sent the Daxamites away with that disperser. It wasn’t her own design but Lex’s—how _pleased_ he would be to know that it was used for its intended purpose now, against the mighty Kryptonians, and anger curdles in the young Luthor’s veins—however, wasn’t Lena the reason it’s out here in the open for criminals like Mercy Graves to use against the city’s heroine?

“It’s our fault,” Director Danvers says, as if she knew what Lena was thinking. “Not yours. We were reckless with the weapon, and—”

“And this wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t tamper with it,” Lena supplies. “If I hadn’t—”

“Hey,” Alex says, putting a hand on her shoulder. “You saved Supergirl. That’s what matters now.” She offers Lena a tired smile. “I have to go make sure we can find Mercy now and destroy that disperser for good. I’ll have agents here to guard you.”

Lena shrugs and gestures to the Lexosuit laid out on the table. “I think I can handle myself, but thank you,” she says. The director’s smile turns pleased, and she nods before leaving.

“Thank you,” Alex says before she walks out the door. Lena nods, and when she turns to look at Supergirl’s resting form on the bed, the puzzle pieces seem to finally click into place. A tired sigh escapes her lips, and she collapses on the nearby chair as her gaze traces Supergirl’s face. She chokes back a sob and forces her trembling hands to still, only seeing Kara now.

Kara. _Her Kara._ She could have lost Kara.

//

Supergirl stirs from her sleep a few hours later. Lena has managed to distract herself by making a few tweaks on the Lexosuit, preparing it for a whole another purpose, but she looks up when she hears the blonde heroine croak for water. Lena quickly grabs a glass and approaches her. The way her eyes widen and her heartbeat spikes on the monitor tells Lena she didn’t expect to see her; nonetheless, she smiles and helps the blonde to sit up.

“Aren’t you happy to see me?” Lena whispers, voice teasing as Supergirl empties her glass. The heroine swallows thickly.

“I- I am,” she murmurs as she looks around. “What happened? Where… Where am I?”

Lena takes a deep breath and sits on the nearby chair. “At L-Corp labs. Sam’s former containment unit. You…” She bites her lip. “Mercy used the disperser to poison the atmosphere with kryptonite. Agent— _Director_ Danvers,” she corrects herself, “asked for my help. And… Here we are.”

Supergirl nods slowly, before looking down at herself. She sighs, almost as if in relief, and it hammers the puzzle pieces in Lena’s mind, the picture whole now, _solid_ and crystal-clear, and her stomach drops. Supergirl seems to notice it, what with the way her heartbeat quickens again, the way she looks at Lena like she’s _terrified,_ the way she can barely meet Lena’s gaze.

“Lena—”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Lena assures with a listless chuckle. She can’t meet Kara’s gaze either; it stung, and it all feels a little too fresh, like someone had sliced open a cut on her palm and all she could do is watch. If she had a heart monitor hooked up to her, Kara would know how Lena’s heartbeat raced, but she realizes belatedly that _Supergirl_ could probably hear that without any help from any equipment. She bites her lip hard. “I- I get it. I mean, I’d  like to think I do.”

Silence dawns on them. Seconds tick by; no one moves, Lena isn’t even sure if she’s breathing—she’s drowning in her thoughts. Everything seems to make sense now, but at the same time they don’t. After all this time—Supergirl is Kara Danvers. Kara Danvers is Supergirl. Her best friend is Supergirl.

Her _best friend_ lied to her. Has been lying to her, all this time.

And yet, she still can’t unsee how Supergirl’s body crumpled with pain, her veins glowing green with the kryptonite poison, couldn’t shake the way _Kara’s_ voice echoed in her head. As if Kara’s thoughts while she was barely holding on to consciousness and life itself were of Lena.

“I’m sorry,” Supergirl— _Kara_ —whispers. It’s soft, but Lena can hear her voice break, as if those two simple words took _everything_ for her to say, as if they alone carry the weight she had been burdened for so long, and Lena’s own heart breaks too. “I’ve… I’ve always wanted to tell you but—” She cuts herself off and sniffles. It’s odd, seeing Supergirl herself looking so defeated, so _powerless._

A part of Lena wants to scream. A part of her wants to demand for answers, wants Kara to explain how she could break her trust like this, how she could _betray_ her for keeping a secret like this. But a part of her also knows the intricacies of such secrets; how she would have preferred not knowing the brother she always looked up to was a xenophobic, deranged man who wanted power a human was never meant to have, how she would have preferred not knowing the woman she looked up to as a sister could have gone the same hateful path. How she could have lived her life not knowing she _was_ a Luthor, that she did not have the same darkness her brother carried in him.

But secrets spill and they become truth, and whether she liked it or not, this was a secret she had to live with—a secret she would rather now, at this point, especially when it’s Kara Danvers’ life on the balance.

“I forgive you,” Lena says softly. Kara whips her attention to her, as if she didn’t expect that reaction, at all and certainly not this soon. There are tears in Kara’s eyes that Lena so tenderly wipes away with her thumbs on the blonde’s freckled cheeks. Stardust, she thinks, and Lena smiles. “I shouldn't. Not this soon,” she adds, and Kara falters, but Lena doesn’t let her look away. She cups Kara’s cheeks and meets her gaze, oceans with her tears. “But I just almost lost you, Kara. Because of something _I_ created—”

“It’s not your—”

Lena shakes her head, softly hushing the blonde. “It _is_ my fault,” Lena insists. “And no matter how much I try to change things, I _am_ a Luthor and one way or another, that would come between us, whether or not we want them to.” She takes a deep breath. “But I would _never_ deliberately let that happen. So yes, I forgive you, because I can’t bear the thought of losing you, Kara.”

The blonde falls quiet. Hot tears trickle down her cheeks though, and before Lena could really apologize—maybe she said something wrong, maybe she should’ve have said anything—Kara surges forward, pressing her lips against Lena’s. An apology and a confession in one, what with the almost desperate way Kara clung to her. The raven-haired woman stills for a moment, and Kara, seemingly surprised by her own actions, pulls away, eyes wide this time, in shock, in _fear,_ and she opens her mouth to apologize but Lena closes the distance between them, sweeping her doubts away.

 _I’m not losing you,_ is what she wants to say. Questions settle on her tongue, too, but Kara pulls her closer, as if she echoes what Lena wants to say, and Lena’s body sags with relief. She feels warmth in her very bones, not because of the sun lamps that give back the Kryptonian the strength she has lost, but because of how Kara kissed her, how Kara held on to her as if she’s grateful for Lena’s understanding, for Lena’s forgiveness, for the feelings Lena reciprocated.

 _All this time,_ Kara’s lips on her say, and Lena says the same.

Brainy’s voice echoes in the lab, saying something about finding Mercy Graves, and Lena sighs as she pulls away, pressing her forehead against Kara’s.

“Let me protect you this time, Supergirl,” she whispers, and with a tap of her finger on the band around her wrist, the chunks of the armor lying dormant on the table hover to attach to Lena piece by piece, the former black and green suit now brandished Supergirl’s blue and red.

Because Lena could never forgive herself if something were to happen to Kara Danvers, the most important person in her life. And for someone to even _dare_ hurt her?

Lena doesn’t dare think of what she would do to Mercy Graves.

“Lena,” Kara whispers, and she reaches for the woman’s hand. Even through the armor, Lena likes to think she could feel her warmth. The blonde shakes her head, then smiles. The raven-haired woman’s anger falls away and so does the darkness she has long kept, like Kara is a sun lighting up her way.

“I’ll know you’ll do what’s right,” Kara says.

Lena manages a small chuckle. “Must you always be a beacon of compassion?” She asks.

“You’re a good person despite what you say and think, Lena,” Kara whispers. She sighs deeply, locks gaze with Lena, and smiles. “And I love you for that.”

Lena takes her words to heart, for her to carry for always.

“I love you, too.”

 

 _open up next to you_  
_and my secrets become your truth_  
_and the distance between_  
_that was sheltering me comes in full view_  
_hang my head, break my heart  
b_ _uilt_ _from all I have torn apart_  
_and my burden to bear_  
_is a love I can't carry anymore_

(breathe again, sara bareilles)


End file.
